What is the biggest dating app faux pas for Gen Z? Being Cringe
For Goodwillie the earnestness is also a sign of a blatant, and uncool, embrace of dating apps to find love. She says that her mother always tells her, “You will meet someone when you are least expecting it.” “I feel like that’s always in the back my mind as I look at profiles. I think, “Oh, I don’t take this seriously.” Will Gray, 26, from Nashville, is also turned off by serious profiles. He has seen responses that he believes are too sincere. For example, “What am I looking for? A man who will support me no matter what.” He created his profile with his dislike for sincere responses in mind. When it came time for him to answer the app’s prompts, he wanted to come off as sarcastic and lighthearted, feeling the “the threat of being too serious.” He describes his profile “semi-serious” and “somewhat sarcastic.”
“That’s partially just me not wanting to be vulnerable, or being insecure,” he says.
Long-Term Love
Gray admits that this self-consciousness can hinder young people’s ability to get what they likely want out of the apps: love and companionship. “The people bringing that serious and earnest energy, frankly, probably have the most long-term success, because they’re being open and vulnerable and earnest and clear about what they want.”
Anabelle Williams, 25 from Brooklyn, agrees with Gray that directness on the apps is probably a significant indicator of success. You’re just looking for anyone.” You’re just looking for anyone.”
Similarly, Liam Katz, 24, also of Brooklyn, describes sincerity on dating apps as “unnatural.” He compared an earnest-seeming online dating profile to “a picture of someone alone in front of the Statue of Liberty.”
“When you’re at a party with someone, very seldom are you going to be like, ‘Oh yeah, by the way, I don’t smoke cigarettes very often, I’m looking for a short-term relationship, and this is my sign.’ That’s not how people start talking,” Katz says. He calls that level of immediate disclosure “ridiculous.”
“Usually it starts with you kind of joking around about something,” he says. Dating apps have lost that element. They’re more like: ‘I want someone who is this, this and this perfect.’ “This person matches my match. Let’s go out.” And I find that kind of lame.
