Tips on Mindfulness for Hard Conversations
Even at the best of times, discussions around the dinner table can be uncomfortable. Many people want to avoid difficult topics during election season, when political tensions are at their highest. They may also cut ties with others after having heated discussions about controversial issues (online or off). Can people discuss these timely and important issues in a more mindful way? Is there a way to discuss polarizing topics in a less-than-polarizing manner?
Mindful communication, whether about politics or anything else, is not about having no opinion or never feeling uncomfortable. It is common to feel uncomfortable during the discussion process. However, mindfulness communication doesn’t require us to engage in every conversation.
Communicating in more mindful ways about politics especially is simply about paying attention to how you relate to the other person in the exchange. It is simply an invitation to consciously consider:
What might I want to bring with me to the table?
How am I approaching this and is there a different way?
What nourishing things can I do when tensions run high?
Tips for Hard Conversations
Whether you engage in political debate online, at dinner, or somewhere in-between, there are a handful of practices and insights you can consider to maintain a sense of peace or at least to make peace possible. Consider the following during your next political debate or difficult conversation.
Remember that we share our humanity
Remaining mindful of our shared humanity is one of the most important insights that we can connect with when discussing difficult topics. We often forget that we all want the same thing: to love, to feel safe, and to see our loved ones loved and safe. If you find yourself in a heated debate, take a moment to pause and reconnect with your capacity for compassion despite our differences. If you are in the midst of a heated debate, take an inward pause by tuning into the heart space and reconnecting with the capacity for compassion despite our differences.
Consider what motivates views and beliefs
Where you grew up, the types of parents you had, and the obstacles and opportunities you encountered along your life journey all influence the views and beliefs you hold. You may forget this and mistake your own experience for an absolute truth. This is not the case due to the complexity of life. Take breathing breaks.
Breathing break can be taken anywhere. You can take a moment at the table to relax your stomach and observe your breath. You can take a longer break by going to the bathroom. If you are communicating online and the conversation is heated, remember that you don’t need to respond right away and by taking a longer pause before getting back to the keyboard, you allow time for strong emotions to settle and greater clarity and compassion to enter through your responses.
Take the debate offline
Talking about politics online leaves plenty of room for misinterpretation, little room for nuance, and risks forgetting that shared humanity. Consider having a phone call or meeting with someone who you trust if you are in a heated discussion. You’ll remember you aren’t talking to a computer. You are talking to a human with feelings, emotions, and needs not so unlike your own.
Create and uphold healthy conversational boundaries
Sometimes, despite our best intentions, it is not possible to converse about politics in a healthy, respectful way. You cannot control how another person shows up. Consider your boundaries if, for example, the person with whom you are conversing cannot see the humanity in everyone and does not bring their compassion and curiosity into the conversation. What are your boundaries in conversation? What will you do to create a healthy boundaries for yourself? There is no conversation that you are obliged to engage in, and so if a conversation does not hold mutual respect and a willingness to listen, you might mindfully choose to step away from the discussion entirely.
Listen with a yearning to understand
Lastly, the quality of listening skills is crucial when in the midst of polarizing discussions. Listen with a desire to understand
Lastly, it is important that you listen mindfully when in the midst of polarizing discussions. Try to understand what someone is saying when they share their opinions, feelings and views. What universal human need do they want to protect? What do they care about, exactly? You will be more likely to receive reciprocal attention if you give your fullest attention to someone else. You may find that the best thing to do is to leave a conversation. At other times, you might lean in, opening your heart, and together seeing where you might reconnect at a level deeper than political perspective.
Focus on what you yourself can bring to the conversation when you choose to engage. Openness, curiosity and compassion can lead to new ways of relating. While it might be difficult to see eye-to-eye on political issues, you might just find that at the same time, it is possible to see heart-to-heart.
