How to raise a kind and conscious teen
Parents are often more distracted by their own devices than teens. This is particularly true in the slower moments of the day. Slow moments are moments when you can focus on your feelings and thoughts. You are also a role model for your teen’s relationship with technology. You are also a model for your teen’s relationship with technology.
So what can you do?
Small changes towards being more mindful of your relationship with technology can improve the satisfaction and quality of your life as well as the life of your teen.
Being mindful can be as simple as focusing on your breath, noticing the sounds, smells, or what is going on in your body. You can be more mindful by focusing on your breath, noticing sounds, smells, or what is going on in your body. You can become a better Digital Mentor by practicing mindfulness. This will help you to show kids how to allow space for their inner experiences. That ultimately leads to healthier relationships with others.
The satisfactions of solitude
First, it’s important to remember that we are all in this together. In a world where productivity is celebrated and social connections are made through texting or online, it’s hard to ignore the pull of solitude. As Markham Heid explained in his TIME article, “Combine that sudden beep and the implied promise of new social information, and you get a near perfect, ignorable stimulant that will draw your attention away from whatever task is on your brain.” Sherry Turkle, an MIT researcher, says that solitude is important for us to get to know ourselves and develop fulfilling relationships. She says in “Reclaiming Conversation : The Power of Talk In a Digital Age”, “If we haven’t experienced solitude, and that is the case for many people today, we begin to confuse loneliness with solitude. It reflects our impoverished experience. If we don’t know the satisfactions of solitude, we only know the panic of loneliness.”
In today’s hyperconnected world, Turkle says if we don’t teach our children how to be comfortable being alone, they will learn to be lonely and rely on the distraction of technology. Part of your role as an Emotion Coach and Digital Mentor is to model the importance of slow moments and to create space for difficult or uncomfortable emotions.
Experiencing your emotions
Sometimes uncomfortable emotions will rise to the surface in these moments of solitude. Reaching for devices when these emotions come up prevents you from experiencing the richness of the full human experience.
Brene Brown says the degree to which one is willing to feel difficult emotions is the degree to which one will experience happiness. You can block yourself from experiencing joy if you stop yourself from feeling depressed. You can teach your teenagers to embrace resilience by embracing their own resilience. You can start by being mindful.
What is mindfulness?
Simply put, mindfulness is the act of noticing your body, your thoughts, and your surroundings. Mindfulness is often explained using the four foundations.
Mindfulness of your body
Mindfulness of your feelings
Mindfulness of your consciousness
Mindfulness of how your mind operates
Mindfulness is about watching with curiosity about what’s going on inside of you. Below are three exercises to become more mindful.
- Counting and noting
- Find a comfortable spot and take 10 slow, deep breaths. Count every inhalation and exhalation. Start again when you reach 10. Start by doing this for two minutes.
- Mental Noting is an exercise where you give a one-word label to the thought or emotion you experience. You can use this to identify habitual thinking patterns. If you’re anxious about your job, for example, labeling your feelings as “worry”, can help you become more aware of your thoughts, and reduce tension in your body. In moments when your kids are stressed or upset, try this strategy with them.
- Focus on the dishes
Challenge yourself, even in small ways to concentrate on doing one task at a time. Gil Fronsdal, a Buddhist teacher, said: “If you’re walking to the train, walk to it.” Take a five-minute break
When returning home after a long day, sit down for five minutes and relax. Do not check your Instagram or email. Check in with yourself.
Parents are more capable of navigating difficult conversations when they are in touch with themselves. You may use a device to avoid engaging your teen in healthy conversation if you do not take the time to decompress. When your teen is experiencing difficult emotions, try having a conversation that reduces stress with them. Empathize with your teenager and help them find their own solutions. Take a different route with your teen to school, stop and observe the world around you and ask them questions about their experience. Take time to notice the leaves or look up at the clouds together.
Mindfulness leads to noticing the world through a new lens – a lens that leads to meaningful relationships with others, yourself, and most importantly, your teen.
