How sensitive are you to rejection?
All of us have experienced rejection in our lives. Many people are able to manage their initial disappointment through effective coping techniques. For some, rejection can cause an emotional response that is out of proportion to the situation. In such cases, it may be more than just rejection sensitivity, but Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) at play. In such cases, it might be more than just rejection sensitivity but Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) may be at play.
What does Rejection Sensitivity look like in relationships?
To better understand how RSD manifests in real-life situations, we can imagine a common scenario between a couple, Jamie and Taylor. One evening, after a long day, Taylor mentions that they’ve been feeling distant and suggests they set aside some time to reconnect and talk about their feelings.
Jamie, who experiences Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), might react very strongly to this suggestion. Jamie, who suffers from Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), may react strongly to this suggestion. Instead of viewing it as an opportunity for growth, Jamie feels a wave of shame. The cycle could continue for days, with neither of them knowing how to stop it. The cycle could continue for days without either of them being able to stop it. Jamie’s reaction to Taylor’s suggestion will not have a major impact on their relationship. Jamie may soon respond to your suggestion with a sincere “Thanks for bringing it up.” I would love to discuss how we can reconnect. The interaction will help them to connect and understand each other.
Research on rejection sensitivity
It’s important to note that RSD is not an official diagnosis in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). It’s more of a term to describe intense emotional experiences that are related to a perceived rejection. The term was coined by Dr. William Dodson,
a prominent figure in ADHD research and treatment, to describe the extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception of being rejected, criticized, or falling short of expectations.
Research indicates that adults with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are more prone to experiencing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It may be due to differences in brain structure and emotional regulation. What Are the Differences Between Rejection Sensitivity and RSD?
To differentiate between “normal” rejection sensitivity and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), it’s important to understand some key distinctions in how rejection is experienced and understood.
What Are the Differences Between Rejection Sensitivity and RSD?
To differentiate between “normal” rejection sensitivity and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), it’s important to understand some key distinctions in how rejection is experienced and understood.
Emotional Responses:
When people without RSD experience rejection, these reactions may feel proportionate to the situation, and don’t cause major upheaval in their lives. These experiences can be upsetting but are often short-lived and have little impact on the emotional wellbeing of those who experience them. RSD patients experience intense emotional pain, which can cause mood swings and feelings of being overwhelmed or out of control. And the emotional response to rejection can sometimes last for days.
Perception of Rejection
People without RSD have occasional concerns about rejection, but don’t have an overwhelming experience of being rejected. RSD patients are always on the lookout for rejection and see signs all around them. They are more likely to perceive rejection, even when it’s not happening.
Impact of RSD on Daily Life
When those without RSD are rejected, they generally can handle it without experiencing overwhelming distress or disruptions in their lives. Rejection can have a significant impact on daily life for those with RSD. This includes productivity, focus, and other aspects. As a result, people with RSD may avoid social or work situations out of fear of the impact of rejection.
Self-Perception
People with RSD often have a chronic, negative self-perception, including feelings of a lack of self-worth and shame. In contrast, people without RSD may experience some sporadic and temporary self-doubt in the face of rejection.
How to Deal with RSD
There are several important strategies that couples can use in order to address the impacts of RSD on their relationship. Using the example of Jamie and Taylor, where Taylor’s request for a conversation about their relationship triggered Jamie’s RSD, the following strategies could help.
Utilize Honest and Respectful Communication
Using techniques such as softened start-up can help create a foundation of open communication. For example, “I feel worried when you approach me with relationship issues at the end of a busy day” instead of “you’re always complaining about something I did wrong.”
Develop Fondness and Admiration
Cultivating positive feelings towards each other can help buffer against RSD-related negativity. To build an emotional bank, both partners should express gratitude regularly. When someone is in a state Diffuse Physical Arousal
and overwhelmed, emotions can be overwhelming.
Recognize flooding and develop a time-out systemWhen you are overwhelmed and feeling emotionally overwhelmed, it’s important to implement a time-out system. It’s important to create a system of time-outs so that partners can take pauses and reconnect when they are calmer. Jamie might say, “I’m going to take a minute to calm down and breathe.” Can we pause for fifteen minutes?”
De-escalate Conflicts
Learn to recognize signs of escalating conflict and use techniques to calm the situation before it worsens. Jamie and Taylor can both use a repair phrase if tensions escalate, like “can we step back?” I want to understand you better.”
Practice Patience and Understanding
Managing RSD can be an ongoing process. Couples who are able acknowledge their progress and value each other’s effort will be better equipped to deal with challenges. If you or your partner feels that rejection sensitivity has an impact on your relationship, couples and/or individual therapy may help. Individual psychotherapy helps people with RSD gain insight into emotions and develop skills to manage their responses. In addition, couples therapy can help both partners understand each other better, and develop tools for handling the impact of RSD on their relationship.
