Gottman
Remember MTV and all the time you spent waiting for that music video? The VJs with their incredible style, the games that we were allowed or not to watch, Spring Break performances and the games, and the absolute anticipation of that hour after school for TRL! Many of us wanted to be like the programming, which gave us a glimpse into a larger world. We used it as a source of entertainment and news, but also to a certain extent to get snippets of culture. MTV was the social media for Gen Xers and Millennials. Is social media a new form of TV?
Parents who raised teens in the 80s and 90s often struggled to understand the appeal of music videos. Experts weighed in on the long-term effects of excessive television consumption on learning and social ramifications. The millennial generation was doomed, with video games and the rise of the 1980s and 1990s. They would never leave their screens. As usual, the millennial generation has grown up and now, artifacts from their teenage rebellion are more of a nostalgia than a way of living.
With this in mind, parents of teens today can compare social media to what MTV used to be for them. Parents of teens will be able to better understand why teens are drawn to social media sites for news, entertainment and a taste of culture. The social media platform is a great way to stay in touch with family and friends even when distances are an issue. After Covid, teens are also finding comfort in the relationships they form through their phones.
At a similar time, we know that the popular music videos from the 80s and 1990s were made for television and regulated accordingly. The internet is an entirely different animal, and has many dark corners we should avoid. Parents are right to want to protect teens from bad social media behavior. Social media platforms are so numerous that parents often feel like their teens have already moved on to another platform by the time they learn about it. The first step is to educate yourself about the types of social media sites and their goals. Social media changes just as often as the habits of teens who use them. But at what price? We know that social media exposure and usage contributes to teens’ lower self-esteem, depression and mental health issues. Many articles highlight the negative effects of spending too much time on social media. Parents know they must be present in their teens’ accounts on social media. From cyberbullying, sharing too much personal information, and the dangers that come with interacting online with strangers. What can parents do to help?
The stats clearly show that teens are negatively affected by too much social media. What can parents do to encourage their teens in positive behaviors? So what can parents do to support their teens in positive behaviors?
Limit time on social media
Support school policies
Support school initiatives that call for phones to be off and away during school hours. Parents are often afraid to send their children to school without a mobile phone. While there may be a good reason, you should encourage your child to put their phone away and out of view while at school. Social media can be used by schools to encourage violence, fights or other unhealthful confrontations in school hours.
Set expectations
Set the expectation that your teen sets their account to “private”. A public account can increase the chances of more people being able to access your teen’s online profile.
Be your teen’s ‘friend’
- “Friend” your teen on social media. Many teens have multiple accounts on different platforms. Teens often have three or more Instagram accounts to show off their diverse interests. It is common for teens to have multiple accounts on Instagram. They might “friend” both their parents and adults, and also other accounts which parents do not know about. Take advantage of parental control. As parental controls become more prevalent, internet providers and apps offer them in greater numbers. Find out from your provider what controls you can set on your teen’s device. When possible, place computers in common areas. You can also turn the screens of the computers towards the door so that you can easily see the screen when your teen opens the door. Create a space for your teen to charge their phone away from his/her room, if necessary. Talk, talk, speak.
Talk. Talk. Talk. Your teen might not listen or may not even be aware of it. But if you do not talk about it they will not know how you feel. Discuss the negative aspects of social media openly and honestly. Talk often and openly about the lighter sides of social media to add some balance. Send your teenager a message when you come across a funny video or laugh with them at the same time. Your warnings on the negative side will be received with greater understanding if you embrace the positive side.
- Discuss with your teen the dangers associated with posting images on the internet. Discuss openly and honestly the digital footprint that your teen is leaving. This is a lesson plan that includes a video to help you learn more about the Digital Footprint.
Set a good example
- If you want your teenager to spend less time on social media, then do the same. Hold family meals and ask that phones are turned off during this time. Play a game or watch a movie or show in the evening. It is better to “do what I say and not what I do” than “do exactly as I tell you”.
Discuss cyberbullying
- Explain that consequences of circulating photos of other people or posting a video of a fight can be serious. As a teacher in middle school, I have seen several students questioned by the police for posting or forwarding other teenagers’ content. Charges could include defamation, harassment, and/or sexual harassment, etc.
- Encourage your teen to speak up
Many teens do not want to tell on other kids. Many teens are reluctant to tell on other kids. Explain that watching or participating in illegal activities without reporting them can be considered an accomplice.
- Don’t believe everything you see, hear or read
- Reiterate this message often. Content can be created that is fake or that represents a false reality. Teens are often tempted to covet what appears to be an improved lifestyle. Remind your teenager that appearances can deceive and social media is primarily used to entertain. It is not a real-life experience; it’s a space to perform and share.
- Final thoughts
