Five Premarital Conversations that Will Help You Maintain Love
Congratulations if you’re newly engaged! This is a very exciting time but can also be stressful, as you prepare for your most important commitment. Since I became a relationship counsellor, I have seen many couples. I have found that the sooner you start, the better. I have found that the sooner you get started, the better.
Throughout my work, I learned five areas of relationships that make couples successful; in other words, a cheat sheet for happily ever after.
Set aside time each day to connect with each other
Create a ritual, such as a daily
stress-reducing conversation, at the beginning or the end of the day for just the two of you. You can begin investing in each other in the premarital stage. Successful couples make time to spend with one another every day. If you’re likely to be easily distracted, remember that it’s important to silence your phones and turn off your TV to really connect during this shared time, even if only for 20 minutes a day.Communication is key
Now that you’re engaged, is your partner expected to know your needs and your wants? Absolute no! Make sure you communicate with your future better half. Drs. Drs. Knowing small details about your partner, such as their favorite dessert, their hobby, or their biggest fear, can help you build a stronger relationship and stay in alignment during difficult times. Have sex and talk about it! Schedule time to have sex with your partner if you feel that you are not connecting physically. It may seem less romantic but it is important to schedule time for intimacy. You think it should be spontaneous. It’s also crucial to
talk candidly with your partner about sex. How will you maintain intimacy in your marriage? What are your individual sexual desires and needs? What fantasies do you have or what new things would you like to try? Please be specific. Couples that communicate about sex have more intimate relationships and better sex than couples who do not. It is important to have this conversation before you marry. This will help with the conversations that follow. And if you’re nervous to talk to your partner about these things, it might be a good time to seek out the assistance of a couples therapist.Discuss finances
If you haven’t already, sit down together and have a premarital conversation
about money management
. If you haven’t already, sit down with your partner and discuss money management. You can start by asking each other some questions. Here are some questions to get you started:Are you a saver or a spender?
How should we divide financial responsibilities?
How do you feel about debt?How important is wealth to you?How do you plan to finance large purchases and investments, like a car, a home, or (if you want kids) saving for our children’s college tuition?
- How would you approach planning for retirement?
- Understand that you are marrying the person as they are, not as who you want them to be
- As psychologist
- Dan Wile
- says, “when you choose a partner, you choose a particular set of problems.” Love your partner without judgment and accept them for who they are, and remember why you fell in love with them. It is not always a good idea to try to change your partner’s annoying habits or to make them do things the way you want. Accept your partner for who they are (even the quirky parts), and if there are behaviors or issues that need to be addressed, remember to engage in
- healthy, productive conflict
and avoid the infamous
Four Horsemen. Reviewed by: Dr. Vagdevi Meunier, PsyDVagdevi Meunier, Psy.D. Dr. Vagdevi Meunier, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist and founder of The Center for Relationships. Vagdevi is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 40 years of teaching experience. She has taught students at the University of Texas, St. Edward’s University, and other universities in Austin. She is also a Senior Certified Gottman therapist and an Approved clinical trainer. Vagdevi has facilitated the Art & Science of Love Workshop Gottman Retreat for couples around the US in Austin over the last 20 years. She has also taught all three levels of Gottman professional trainings, and coached clinicians around the globe on this method.
