Even teens can have miscarriages. The care is hindered if you don’t talk about it.
Read the rest of this series here. I’m guessing that the people in those images are probably adults, right?
But when I think of miscarriage today, it reminds me of myself three years ago: a single, sexually-inexperienced 19-year old girl bleeding in a college dorm bathroom, debating whether or not to go to the emergency room. No matter what images you conjure up, I’m guessing the people in it are probably fully-fledged adults, right?
But when I think of miscarriage, I think of myself three years ago: a single, sexually-inexperienced 19-year-old girl bleeding in a college dorm bathroom, debating whether it was bad enough to go to the emergency room.
While the risk of miscarriage increases as you age, young people miscarry more than you might think–we just rarely hear about it.
“It’s remarkable that there’s been very few studies of people under 18 and miscarriage; there tends to be more studies about miscarriage in older individuals,” said Dr. Anne-Marie Amies Oelschlager, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology and adjunct professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington School of Medicine.
The first time I took the pregnancy test, I questioned the result. I was skeptical about the result the first time. The second line of the test appeared faint and we used multiple types of protection. What were the chances? It happened almost as soon as I stopped denial and began thinking about the next steps. The twisting, sharp pain nearly knocked me out, and I grabbed my stomach. I then felt the blood dripping.
I waded to the bathroom, and found the blood. The blood was all over. No amount of tampons or pads could seem to contain it for long enough.
I knew what was happening but didn’t want to admit it to myself–I was having a miscarriage.
In the long run, this was probably a good thing. This was probably a good thing in the long run. I knew this. It turns out that people who miscarry often feel sadness even if their pregnancy was unwanted and unplanned. I was obsessed with what my life would have been like if I hadn’t miscarried. I also worried about the possibility that I might miscarry again in the future when I do decide to have children. I was angry with my body, because I believed that this shouldn’t have happened to someone my age. Most of all, I hated myself for getting upset. I wasn’t ready to become a mother, nor did I want to get pregnant. Yet, I still grieved.
“Even if it was an unintended pregnancy and an undesired pre pregnancy, miscarriages can still cause grief and suffering,” Amies Oelschlager said. “I think that people can sometimes underestimate the loss and the grief that can go along with it in adolescents.”
We’re taught in sex ed and by mainstream media that teen pregnancy only has three outcomes: abortion, adoption, or parenthood. There’s a fourth option, but we’re not taught how to handle it. All the resources that I found on Google were for adults, and did not take into consideration the complications of miscarriage so early. I knew my family would have been supportive, but the stigma of being a sexually active teenage girl still weighed heavily on me. “They have to discuss the pregnancy, loss, and then also the fact that they are sexually active,” said Amies Oelschlager. “And, you know, you’re younger, so your partner will be less likely to stay in your life, and your partner may not be as mature.” Many people said, “This was for the better” and “At least you don’t have to worry about it anymore.” I thought about it. Even though these things were true, they did not ease the pain. I don’t blame friends for not understanding what to say, but instead, blame the way we are conditioned to view miscarriage. Amies Oelschlager explained that many teens aren’t thinking about pregnancy and may not even consider it. However, if a miscarriage occurs, it could make them more aware of what they want for the future. “I just want to encourage people to support and be kind and gently.” We need to talk about miscarriage as much in the classroom as we do when we put condoms on cucumbers. In sex education and in the mainstream media, we’re told that teen pregnancies only have three possible outcomes: adoption, abortion, or parenthood. I was clueless when it happened. I was the first in my circle of friends to experience this. The 19-year old me was the first person in my group of friends to have experienced something similar. I had no idea what to do.
