Mother’s Day is just around the corner, and there are many ways to show your love.
Let’s face it, celebrating Mom on Mother’s Day may feel a little like a show. The flowers, the cards, the brunch reservations… they’re all nice gestures, but sometimes they miss the heart of what many mothers actually need most: to be
seen.Motherhood is a full-contact, full-time, emotionally demanding job–and most of the labor is invisible. It’s the constant tracking of a million moving parts. People are willing to offer assistance, but can’t help all the time because each task is a part of a complicated machine. It’s not possible to assign a task because you need to understand how the system interacts and works. The emotional and cognitive work is incalculable and does not disappear when children grow up. Even when their children don’t have faith in themselves, mothers still believe in them. They worry about drunken drivers, broken heart and missed opportunities. They rejoice in every win and mourn every loss. They are so quick to anticipate the needs of children that no one is aware. It’s invisible. They are organizing, planning and preventing conflicts and disappointments behind the scenes. On top of this mental work, there are also the tasks to be completed. The outside might make it seem easy, but perseverance and willpower are the key. Hard work is required.
This Mother’s Day if you want to really make an impact, if want to really show her how much you appreciate all she does, go beyond the surface and truly celebrate your mom. Acknowledge the emotional labor, the invisible tasks, and energy she pours into everyone’s well-being. Here are some ways to celebrate your mom. But trust me–she probably
would
love for you to acknowledge everything she does. Not just with a “Happy Mother’s Day,” but with something deeper.
Here are some examples
“I see how much you carry everyday–emotionally, mentally, logistically. “Thank you.”
I know that a lot of your work goes unnoticed. Today, I want you to know that I see it and am grateful.”
“I know a lot of what you do goes unnoticed. “I hope you have a wonderful day but I also hope that I can make you feel appreciated every day. You make our world better.”
Accept the emotional burden. Recognize the way she supports the emotional lives of her family. Take a look at this list and think about the compassion fatigue that she might be experiencing.Does she stay upbeat when the kids are down?
Is it her who is the one to listen, reassure, and absorb everyone’s emotions?
- Does she manage fears and anxieties for herself and other people while still keeping one foot in front?
- Take time to consider her specific talents in this area. . . Let her know she’s not invisible.
- Give her real rest.
Not performative rest–real sleep. Give her real sleep. She might not ask for a break, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it.
Let her know you have things under control so she can sleep in.
- Plan a weekend getaway
- Carve out time every week just for her to spend however she wants.
- Let her exhale.
Offer to Share the Burden
Instead of asking “What should we do for Mother’s Day?”–a She might not ask for a break, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it.
Here are some ways you might be able to help her catch her breath.
Let her know you’ve got things under control so she can sleep in.
- Plan a weekend getaway
- Carve out time every week that is just hers – to spend any way she’d like
- Let her exhale.
Offer to Share the Burden
Instead of asking “What should we do for Mother’s Day?”–ask yourself,
What has she been holding that I can take off her plate today? How can I show her I see the whole picture–not just the role, but the human behind it?Everyone’s needs are different. You may be able to help her by offering to share the burden. Ask her:
“What would feel most supportive to you right now?” Then listen–and follow through.Celebrate who she is–not just what she does.
Motherhood can be a thankless job and eclipse a woman’s sense of self. Today is the day to thank her for just
being. Express gratitude for what you love most about who she is, not what she does. Compliment her on her humor, creativity, strength or dreams. Brunch is lovely. This lasts longer. It sinks in.
